Return to Calypso

Once upon a time
I spoke of the edge of the universe
With longing and
Infantile conviction.
Well now,
Now...

Feverish skies breathing emerald and tar
Watch over this broken dragon,
This crippled wildcat.

And certainly your arms wrap around me,
Dusky voice in a lemonade-magma whisper,
Sliding down the back of my neck.
Indeed ten fingers melt together,
An awkward fit, sore, but seamless,
Watching eternity crumble.

Yet now I understand;
This snug embrace is terror-born and
Locked like climber's knot,
Lying on cheap cotton sheets
In the bedroom of the girl I was,
Watching the alarm clock and
Desperately clinging,
Clutching to one another
While tremors convulse through
Our just-each-other world.

For two red-rimmed inner eyes
Foretell the future fall.
Now you taste the scorpion's burden,
This jagged-razor yoke
Bound and biting on my heart.
The first day you laughed with me
I shouldered it lovingly.
Finally it starts to drag me under,
After six-months tainted love songs.

I see despite my clouded eyes
You're stronger than I thought,
And I, I am scared and feeble.
In the end the inner eyes will
Watch me fall,
And on that day I'll die,
I promise.

I'll plunge, I'll plummet,
I'll pray.
For descending the calypso which
I siren-sang you to,
I'll know your heart's decaying
Because of me.

I shall wish you a
Life without lifeline,
And pray you a
Love without deadline.
I shall yearn and
Bleed internally,
And softly slip away.

If you would wrap your arms around me,
Tell me that you love me,
And never let me go,
I'd leave my mind and live in love forever.

Do you believe in fairy tales?
I don't.

Snicker-Snack

Long ago, I buried my sword.
Never gave you my word,
But turned a blind eye while
My carcass relinquished quietly my soul.

I let the light rust into a blackened crust,
Kissed my lust and thrust it deep,
This two-tongued servant,
Into the heart of her trusting King.

My mouth spewed out loyalties,
Concurrently hands felled my comrades,
Strangled with knotted rope of
False oaths and a shell of purity.

Its time, enough, this one is done.
I reclaim my armor and shun my path,
Id just begun to turn and run when
Ankle shackles chewed so deep.

Butchery of allies, didn't know,
Only sadness in their eyes, and sighs
Of failure all my own, theirs to bear,
Unfair, and sown as saplings in my fertile heart.

Enough. Enough. This time I'm gone.
Bare my teeth and fare thee well.
Grind my heel, you bind me not,
I find my mind and wield a fated blade.

Victory you think you've won?
Tickled pink to see me run,
Knowing Ill be back again?
Lack of will still obliges her to sin.

One by one till done I cut these threads,
Twisted into shackles, now in shreds.
Tackle and I block your talk and blows.
This time it goes. Enough of my betrayal.

My champion is here to set me free,
I see that I breathed dead complacency,
Fear and realization lacking, detached treachery,
Fatal combination, contented self-murder, over.

Hard enough to turn my wrath,
Double-cross again, this loss of path,
Shards of hollow promises lie tossed aside
And lost to lies my eyes shift to a gentle enemy.

Mourning Schizophrenia

Who are you, my pariah friend?
You've nudged me to this doubting end.
Is the tiny seed of who you are
Crumpled in this vortex star?

Do the specters come at night,
Sprinkling your eyes with frozen light?
Do the rain clouds do your bidding,
Embracing your mind, the blackness ridding?

Are you trapped in golden song,
Wherein lies no right or wrong?
Do you weep blood for all unreal,
No charity, or comfort feel?

Do the mirrors shriek your name,
Upon your face to place the blame?
Have I known you, have I seen
Enough of you, some hope to glean?

Do you breathe beauty, swirling white
Clouds upon your heart so bright?
Does the earth beneath you tremble,
Your weak grasp to disassemble?

Are the faces all a blur,
Shadows in the mist, to slur the
Images of solid mind,
Nevermore your steps to find?

I've never swam the winds you drink,
Can't comprehend the way you think.
For once a world is locked to me,
Unable now to set you free.

I miss you, though I never knew
The layer of your soul that's true.
I have been crushed, nothing to give,
Beneath the echo that you live.

So friend, if you decide to leave
Consumed in all that you conceive,
Forsaking all reality,
I ask you this: remember me.

Misguided Catharsis

Pretty sure it's time to sleep, but I never cared before.
I tripped and fell and missed your arms,
Landed myself SPLOOSH in a big ol' puddle of emo.
The other day I woke up next to you;
You know I wouldn't rather be anywhere in the world.
But somehow I couldn't come back from the parallel...
From the gray-sky desert, green lightning, black fog,
And even though my eyes were open,
Watching the dust bunnies blowing across the ceiling,
All I could see were the demons of a dozen pasts
Curled dormant just above my head,
And I couldn't escape the perpetual water,
Perpetual breeze, (I never understood how you could sleep
So cold, like a dew-dripping clearing on a crisp spring morning)
Perpetual heat coming off your back so unlike the sun.
I was never afriad to lose you, you know,
No matter the way I talk.
I'm only ever afraid that I'll lose myself,
That even though my whole world comes imploding in
To pack itself into a tiny ball in my heart (an imminent supernova)
Every time I've got your breath and heartbeat under my cheek,
The other side will always whisper, whisper,
Come back.
Practicality sounded so un-romantic, so clunky in my
Poet's ears,
That I don't understand how it managed to grasp onto me,
Because really, so often I worry I'm just an illusion
Who can't even grasp onto herself.
I guess I'm just free-writing now, but it's a thunderstorm catharsis.
Maybe if I let that other parallel, that other side, that other universe
Come pouring through my mind into this electronic abyss,
Now and then, a little more often,
I won't have to spend so much time with my foot
Halfway through the rip,
Called so strong to go crashing through, yet
I bet the place is named insanity.
Anyway, I think my point is,
My point is...
Well it's this:
I'm not practical.
I spend too much time in my own head.
And well...
I love you.
Tada...?

Personal Tyger

Tyger, Tyger, burning bright
In the forests of the night.
Take my hand, your eyes a-gleam.
This kitten isn't what she seems.

My head isn't anywhere that it should be,
Something, oh something's the matter with me!
Tired of duties and tired of care,
Mind wand'ring the labyrinth of tiger's dark lair.

It's time to escape now, to gnaw through the ties,
To grow in the shadows of tiger's bright eyes.
Too long I am harnessed, too long am I dumb,
For I've never been deaf or blind, never been numb!

Tyger, Tyger, all alone,
In the darkness you have grown.
Though tiger reigns, could it be true?
Perhaps he needs the kitten, too.

You found me, released me, and with gentle hand
On my heart a sweet pawprint you burned- your own brand.
I'm not who I was and I never shall be,
Oh so scared, so confused, but now finally free!

I can't see to forever or trust in my heart,
But I love you right now, and it's someplace to start.
So be patient, my tiger, someday or some night,
Tiger kitten becomes, and as one they burn bright.

Tyger, Tyger, I am yours.
I've never felt this way before.
The kitten tamed the wildcat...
He made her wild- imagine that.

I'll Be Gone

Powers and Seraphim, lend me your wings,
Wrap your breath round my anger and silently sing
To heal my wasting heart.
Uriel, Remiel, still your swift swords!
I belong to redemption, and Merciful Lord-
Yet justice claims its part.

I came home from yesterday only to find
That tomorrow's half-over in my fractured mind-
I never thought it strange.
The sparks in my life which have constantly lit
My thin path, just as fireflies, flicker and flit-
I am a child of change.

The bitterness in me is noxious as tar-
I tear and I claw and just end up with scars,
And still the hate clings on.
I never was meant to be drowning in sin,
Yet nobody knows, for it's all from within-
A gnawing Satan spawn.

I'm all inconsistency, shadow and mist,
When my sparks flicker on, my soul cannot resist
To follow in their wake.
If names still had power, each day mine would shift-
Born each day a new person, hope-bright and adrift
In time's unending lake.

I want to be solid, I'm born to be pure,
I've got to be strong and yet my only cure
Is my rebirth at dawn.
Tonight I'm regretful, tonight I'm ashamed,
Tonight Jesus, Help Me! is what I'd be named,
but
tomorrow
I'll
be
gone.

Apology By Osmosis

To me, one sour relationship grows
Tentacles,
And stingers,
And suckers,
And rancid little claws.
It reaches out like a homegrown leviathan
To suck, and scratch, and strangle the life
From more vivid, vital loves.
Ill will is a day's poison.
Misunderstandings are perpetual leeches,
Hundreds, putrefying somewhere behind my stomach,
And Im sick of full-grown language.
Let it go, let it be, let it lie, the songs all say,
And incense-high fake Buddhists tell you,
Center yourself.
Well, I have never lived in my center.
I have sleepwalked through a
Bugged existence,
Projecting my soul in drops and pieces
Into the dazzling life-force surrounding me,
Inhabiting every mystical body but my own.
I have never understood politics,
Or grudges,
Or apologies.
I am liquid, flowing mercury, crystal blood,
And what is poured into one corner of my life
Finds osmosis into the rest.
So I, Im sorry, I really am,
If sometimes my smile is tainted to you,
Sometimes my focus distant from your conversation,
Eyes awash in the cataract of daydream.
Im simply trying to find resolution
Somewhere
Sometime
Somebody else.