Misguided Catharsis

Pretty sure it's time to sleep, but I never cared before.
I tripped and fell and missed your arms,
Landed myself SPLOOSH in a big ol' puddle of emo.
The other day I woke up next to you;
You know I wouldn't rather be anywhere in the world.
But somehow I couldn't come back from the parallel...
From the gray-sky desert, green lightning, black fog,
And even though my eyes were open,
Watching the dust bunnies blowing across the ceiling,
All I could see were the demons of a dozen pasts
Curled dormant just above my head,
And I couldn't escape the perpetual water,
Perpetual breeze, (I never understood how you could sleep
So cold, like a dew-dripping clearing on a crisp spring morning)
Perpetual heat coming off your back so unlike the sun.
I was never afriad to lose you, you know,
No matter the way I talk.
I'm only ever afraid that I'll lose myself,
That even though my whole world comes imploding in
To pack itself into a tiny ball in my heart (an imminent supernova)
Every time I've got your breath and heartbeat under my cheek,
The other side will always whisper, whisper,
Come back.
Practicality sounded so un-romantic, so clunky in my
Poet's ears,
That I don't understand how it managed to grasp onto me,
Because really, so often I worry I'm just an illusion
Who can't even grasp onto herself.
I guess I'm just free-writing now, but it's a thunderstorm catharsis.
Maybe if I let that other parallel, that other side, that other universe
Come pouring through my mind into this electronic abyss,
Now and then, a little more often,
I won't have to spend so much time with my foot
Halfway through the rip,
Called so strong to go crashing through, yet
I bet the place is named insanity.
Anyway, I think my point is,
My point is...
Well it's this:
I'm not practical.
I spend too much time in my own head.
And well...
I love you.
Tada...?

Personal Tyger

Tyger, Tyger, burning bright
In the forests of the night.
Take my hand, your eyes a-gleam.
This kitten isn't what she seems.

My head isn't anywhere that it should be,
Something, oh something's the matter with me!
Tired of duties and tired of care,
Mind wand'ring the labyrinth of tiger's dark lair.

It's time to escape now, to gnaw through the ties,
To grow in the shadows of tiger's bright eyes.
Too long I am harnessed, too long am I dumb,
For I've never been deaf or blind, never been numb!

Tyger, Tyger, all alone,
In the darkness you have grown.
Though tiger reigns, could it be true?
Perhaps he needs the kitten, too.

You found me, released me, and with gentle hand
On my heart a sweet pawprint you burned- your own brand.
I'm not who I was and I never shall be,
Oh so scared, so confused, but now finally free!

I can't see to forever or trust in my heart,
But I love you right now, and it's someplace to start.
So be patient, my tiger, someday or some night,
Tiger kitten becomes, and as one they burn bright.

Tyger, Tyger, I am yours.
I've never felt this way before.
The kitten tamed the wildcat...
He made her wild- imagine that.

I'll Be Gone

Powers and Seraphim, lend me your wings,
Wrap your breath round my anger and silently sing
To heal my wasting heart.
Uriel, Remiel, still your swift swords!
I belong to redemption, and Merciful Lord-
Yet justice claims its part.

I came home from yesterday only to find
That tomorrow's half-over in my fractured mind-
I never thought it strange.
The sparks in my life which have constantly lit
My thin path, just as fireflies, flicker and flit-
I am a child of change.

The bitterness in me is noxious as tar-
I tear and I claw and just end up with scars,
And still the hate clings on.
I never was meant to be drowning in sin,
Yet nobody knows, for it's all from within-
A gnawing Satan spawn.

I'm all inconsistency, shadow and mist,
When my sparks flicker on, my soul cannot resist
To follow in their wake.
If names still had power, each day mine would shift-
Born each day a new person, hope-bright and adrift
In time's unending lake.

I want to be solid, I'm born to be pure,
I've got to be strong and yet my only cure
Is my rebirth at dawn.
Tonight I'm regretful, tonight I'm ashamed,
Tonight Jesus, Help Me! is what I'd be named,
but
tomorrow
I'll
be
gone.

Apology By Osmosis

To me, one sour relationship grows
Tentacles,
And stingers,
And suckers,
And rancid little claws.
It reaches out like a homegrown leviathan
To suck, and scratch, and strangle the life
From more vivid, vital loves.
Ill will is a day's poison.
Misunderstandings are perpetual leeches,
Hundreds, putrefying somewhere behind my stomach,
And Im sick of full-grown language.
Let it go, let it be, let it lie, the songs all say,
And incense-high fake Buddhists tell you,
Center yourself.
Well, I have never lived in my center.
I have sleepwalked through a
Bugged existence,
Projecting my soul in drops and pieces
Into the dazzling life-force surrounding me,
Inhabiting every mystical body but my own.
I have never understood politics,
Or grudges,
Or apologies.
I am liquid, flowing mercury, crystal blood,
And what is poured into one corner of my life
Finds osmosis into the rest.
So I, Im sorry, I really am,
If sometimes my smile is tainted to you,
Sometimes my focus distant from your conversation,
Eyes awash in the cataract of daydream.
Im simply trying to find resolution
Somewhere
Sometime
Somebody else.

Fermented Fruit

There is no need for anything to end,
Although everything must die.
Suppose one day I lift my gaze,
All onyx and obsidian,
To find I cannot brush your cheeks
With stardust fire,
To find I cannot stop the world
Within those iced-mercury eyes,
To find I cannot, dare not say it,
Press my tongue into a cliche
And bring it back laden in
Fermented fruit?
You belong to my smiles and whispers,
I don't want to abuse you.
And if one day I lose those
Corridors and dragon dens
Between black-bleeding heartstrings,
Then let me, darling, let me
Fade away.

Calypso

I want to stand at the edge of the universe
the red-black calypso
waiting-always-waiting
where words can be so sharply tasted and
morphine tar is only
one
step
behind
I want to breathe, to scream, and drink as the world
falls apart apart apart
and know
your hands on my stomach
chin on my shoulder
ten fingers tightly twined
I am safe
I am bright and beloved
I am yours
as all other things crackle and
die

Beethoven Whispers

Smooth, smooth, a trickling descent,
A shine, a glance, a sigh.
Dipping each too-thick fingertip
Into pearl-scented longing,
Into dusty vanilla dreams.

Alive and asleep,
Cascade, slip, trip, fall.
Lifted and plummeted,
Snowfall and raven,
Crystalline discordance crackles.

Here I find love,
Coaxing oh-so-sweetly love from
Clumsy keys.
Debussy, Mozart, Clementi,
Oh, unravel me your secrets!

Piano flight, piano voice, Beethoven beauty.
Tonal whisper, with me forever.
Hush, child, hush.
You were always meant
Always meant
Always meant
To be
Alone.

Smell of tarnished paper,
A yellowed edge,
Long-forgotten staffs and stems.
My name, Yeong:
Eternity,
Alone within this.

I belong to blue-aurora water,
Swaying seaweed.
I belong to autumn phoenix fire,
Bright decay.
I belong to music, to music,
All the voices of the earth!

Let me be a part of love,
Of harmonic symphonic and
Atonal love, the
Sweet Discordance.

What cost, Ludwig, Johann, Maurice,
Forsaking mortal love for that
Eternal song?
Only your humanity, child.
Only your humanity.